Lost and Found

I've discovered that when a drastic change occurs...I lose it...just for a few minutes, you understand. But, I do lose it.

Michael has always reminded me that to ignore reality is a form of temporary insanity...why is he always right? Mainly, because he's much wiser and more mature than me. He calls me his '#1 Worry-Wart'...at least it doesn't happen often.

Today when I 'lost it' I clipped the carport while backing out...with the car, no less. But only because he parked it much closer to the clipping side than usual. No problem though...did no damage to either.

I'm reading/studying 'The Dream Giver'...an excellent short book about Ordinary, a nobody who lives in the land of Familiar. Like many, his life was very ordinary...you could say he was 'in a rut'. We've lived in areas of the country where most lived a regimented life...day in and out, month by month, year by year with never a variance. Happy yes!

My life was never the same...ever! And I once thought I had no dream, but like Ordinary, I stirred and stirred inside...what was the stirring about? About something Father had in mind but hadn't quite shared all of it with me. Of course, He had in mind exotic things like Greece, Ethiopia, Germany, China. My mind was more like...simple stuff.

Tell you what...I always wanted to live on a horse ranch. I always wanted a convertible. I always wanted to live in Colorado. Impossible dream for a girl from the oilfields of West Texas who married a guy from a tiny oil boom town in Oklahoma? Could have been but the #1 Master Creator stepped up and...woohoo!

During the fourth quarter of our lives, He put us in the US Forest Service to tend to a 50 acre spread in the high country...where else? Colorado, of course! The two of us had a heaven on earth w/eight horses to tend...four months each summer for four years. Beautiful meadows, creek running through it, wildflowers, wildlife! Besides all that, we found an antique International Scout that we renovated, took off the top (convertible) and four wheeled all over the Rocky Mountains...just the two of us...woohoo! My three dreams all in one beautiful package, courtesy of our most loving Heavenly Father.

He was simply softening me up for? Aargh...the earlier mentioned exotics...out of my comfort zone but who was I to question the Expert? Took a deep breath (actually a whole series) and stepped out of the boat...way out.

Now, another change is in place...one that momentarily took my breath away causing my loss of control...only momentarily...very momentarily.

Now, I've recovered and here I am...“The key to change...is to let go of fear.” I let go ~ because I KNOW God is saying, "Vasca, you've nothing to fear. Trust me." And indeed, I do...oh yes! I lost it but I found it...woohoo!

Steppin'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"...Lao-Tzu

It seems to me there are people who glide when they walk...like graceful swans or ballet dancers. Oh, how I wished for that...but hey, I also wished to be tall, long-legged coupled w/long-waisted...willowy! Why not? 'Cause...God didn't check those attributes on my parent's order form. Instead, He must've had smudgey glasses and mistakenly checked short-waisted, bushy and mistakenly marked "fiasco" in place of graceful.

I trip, fall, stumble...you name it and I do it. But klutzy as I am, I've managed to be on what I think is an unusual path...just think...this surprisng journey began w/a single step.

If asked to explain when it occurred, I couldn't put my finger on it. Maybe it began when I married Michael...or maybe when I birthed four boys in five years...or maybe it was when we decided to leave our nest to re-enter the military...or maybe it began when 'fraidy-cat' flew to Ethiopia and back alone just to spend some precious time w/M...or maybe it began when M & I went on a fishing trip on Lake Michigan and I skunked the others (I am not a good fisher-person)...or...or...or???

Honestly, I never 'had a dream' but I believe God had and still has a dream for me and spent a very long time (I'm the time counter, He's not)...prepping me for the one most important single step of my life...the one that exponentially transformed my life.

You see, I had always needed a safety net, assurance, propping up; in other words, 'Don't try to get me out of my comfort zone...not'! But...somewhere in those experiences, I turned 'me' over to God.

I assumed the culmination of His dream for me was 'the China experience' but I'm re-considering my journey. So, I've reached this conclusion...I'm still stepping...and klutzy as I am, I believe I'm on His journey of light.

My journey of a thousand miles...and thousands and thousands and more thousands to come...all began with a single step...a step out of the boat...a step of faith. Pretty good steppin', huh?

What's In A Name? Plenty!

"I may not amount to much, but at least I'm unique." Jean-Jacques Rousseau. Never tho't of myself as being unique...but nevertheless, I am (more ways than one). Oh, you're wondering how's that, huh? For starters, I was a Smith girl; eldest of five children. Uniqueness first came in the form of my name. People always ask how I got such an unusual one.

Goes like this...my dad wanted to name me Betty and mother said, "NO"...we'll name her Vasca. I think she got it from some novel...it was novel all right. My sister and three brothers were christened Jane, Don, Ron and John...thankful that I came first.

What's in a name anyway? Well, mine is a great icebreaker...forget politics, weather and all that stuff...a unique name can cover lots of ground. For what seemed like years, people had trouble spelling mine...now, most spell it correctly. Smith was certainly never, ever a problem...how simple is that?

The year before I met M, our family lived in Beall Subdivision in West Texas. Think that was some kind of omen...was God sending me a message? Ta-Dah...met and married M Beall..totally foreign to the Beall Subdivision...I have worn that name ever since I swept him off his feet...not difficult at all. He came home from Korea so weak, he simply fell into my arms and the rest is history.

What's in a name? Plenty and I love mine...BE ALL...as in "BE All that you can be!" Of course that was the Army's motto awhile back but hey, it fits. M made career with that outfit.

James Dobson wrote.."It is our uniqueness that gives freshness and vitality to a relationship." I wanna' be all the me that God wants me to be...and you know what? I've stepped out of the boat and using my uniqueness ~ BEing All I can be.

Father, you are the giver of all things; you bless me so abundantly...never giving up on me! I pray that I will use the uniqueness you gave me to encourage everyone you put in my life...to show them your great love. I love you and I wear Christ's name gratefully. It's in His Name I pray, Amen.

I Look...I See

Okay, putting the reader and the books on the shelf for awhile...as far as the blog goes...M and I continue reading but after all, this is my blog and I can change gears, right? I'll get back to 'my reader' later.

Life has so many peaks and valleys...joys and sorrows...surprises and disappointments. I'm a very observant person; always have been, guess I always will be and I like that. Sort of like...Spirit Eyes...wide open to people, wide open to the opportunities His Spirit shows me. Beieve me, there are more than plenty.

Henry David Thoreau wrote..."The question is not what you look at, but what you see." I don't just look at a person, I want to 'see' what's going on there. I look at you and I feel somethng is not quite right; what is it? What is it that is hurting you so? Then you open your heart and there it is...in plain sight and oh how painful it is...I ache with you.

Good friends marriages get 'derailed'...how can I help? One of our son's will be out of a job this month...he has a family to care for...how can I help? A young husband/father just died...how can I help? A young wife/mother just died...how can I help? A child is into drugs and trying to kick the habit...how can I help? Life is hard...and...not always fair. One never knows what feelings whelm us during these times...but life goes on and on and on.

I've not had an easy life...very difficult times with many downs. But hey, with God anything is possible and believe it or not, I've become a 'water walker'...stepped out of the boat and walking by faith. Emptying oneself for God does that, you know! God never gave up on me...nor did those who loved me then and love me more now...never gave up! They were there for me, they encouraged me and last but not least, they prayed for me!

Lesson learned...the best thing I can and will do for those I see in danger of drowning...is to be there for them, to encourage them and to pray with them and for them.

"Wonderful Father, I ask for your help in seeing, not just looking. Help me see what's going on here, to shine your light for those whose eyes mirror heartache...to encourage, to pray for them and show them your love...to be there for them. I pray that they would be here for me and mine, too! All of us need encouragement and hope...you give it and I thank you so much for encouraging me and giving me hope...regardless! In Your Sons' Most Holy Name, Amen"

My Reader

Each morning I'm usually up before Michael...gives me time to check the mail and print our favorite blogposts for the 'best time'. You don't know about that time yet so I'll explain as you read along. M's up, we have a cup of coffee w/a toast to the day; settling in M contentedly begins...reading to me.

You wonder why he gets to do all the reading? Well, certainly not because he's the head of the house or lording it over me...it's like this, he has a good reading voice while I simply do not. I had injuries to my 'voice box' and have a low, soft voice which is difficult for most to hear/understand..'specially M. I'm a multitasker so while he reads I can sit still, do breakfast, etc. He checks me out occasionally to see if I'm getting it and I am...we laugh & so it goes!

We begin w/Daily Bread from RBS Ministries followed by reading from the Message translation of the Bible...the new posts from our fav blogsites...then the other books...books...books...books!

This quote from David Almond describes our feelings: "Books. They are lined up on shelves or stacked on a table. There they're wrapped up in their jackets, lines of neat print on nicely bound pages. They look like such orderly, static things. Then you, the reader come along. You open the book jacket, and it can be like opening the gates to an unknown city, or opening the lid of a treasure chest. You read the first word and you're off on a journey of exploration and discovery."

This is my 'best time'...for the remainder of the week (maybe even longer)...I'll write more about 'my reader'.

Most Wonderful Father, Thank you for blessing me so richly; thank you for lending me to M, for lending him to me. You have blest me with a wonderful influence and I am better for it. Hearing M reading from your book each morning reminds me to use my 'spirit eyes' to take advantage of the opportunities sent my way...shining your light wherever I am. I pray that I will wisely use what you give me...making each day a day of discovery and 'the best time'. In Jesus' Name...Amen.

How's Your ABC Routine?

Remember a few months ago when we were deluged w/the 'swine flu'? Covering coughs and sneezes in a different fashion and wash...wash...washing our hands. Lots of tips on how best to do that...I adopted the suggestion of singing the ABC song while busily soaping/washing my hands...proved effective for me.

Had a funny thought today about that simple little exercise...easy as 'ABC'...so many things are simple but wow, we humans can really mess up 'simple little things'. Wonder why that is? Could be society is so into 'having it my way'...having to 'be heard'. A thought ran through my mind the simple little ABC's have evolved into All 'Bout Control...as in 'my way or the highway'.

I like to have a voice...to be heard; most of us do...truth is, what I think or want won't necessarily agree with your wants and thoughts...maybe so, maybe not. It's very important that I constantly examine myself...can't afford to be tossed here and there by too much hot air...God knows I have plenty of my own!!!

Negative or positive...which will it be? Frankly, I like positive...I stay that way by constantly reminding myself that I am not in control...with me, it's All 'Bout Christ...now I've said my ABC, tell me what you think of me.

Most Wonderful Father, I know that with your help I can be what you want me to be. I pray that I will remain positive...that I will not gripe or whine...that I will use spirit eyes to share your light with those you place in my life...no matter when or where. I want so much to be pleasing to you..to be like you. I know you'll help me! In Your Son's Blessed Name, Amen

Stamp of Approval

Most of the time...my attitude is positive, sunny forecast..no clouds in sight. Okay, I confess that occasionally it rains on my parade. However, I'm not without my umbrella...it's the Paraclete living in me and when I run into what I consider stormy weather the Spirit guides me...ta-dah, rainbow time.

Rainbows may prove somewhat evasive when so much of what surrounds me today is...conflict. What I want vs. what you want; what I like vs. what you like; I'm right vs. you're wrong...endless conflict. Do you have those feelings or am I the odd one out? God created me and I know He's interested in my attitude...not necessary that I express it verbally since...well...He has awesome ESP...ooh!

You're probably aware that I love quotes, right? Well, I read this from W. Clement Stone..."There is little difference in people but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative."

Things I feel passionate about really affect my attitude. You're probably the same...most of us are. What I really must watch is this; I cannot expect you to become just as passionate about it. You have your 'pet passions', I have mine and multiply that by several hundred and what's the answer? Aargh..talk about different attitudes...like a combat zone if we aren't careful.

Here's the rub, politics is always a war zone but religion? Religion is an extremely different ballgame...we're God's family...a loving family. Growing maturing...together! It would be so 'heavenly' if you and I practiced being positive. I've decided, as of today, I've buried the past for the sake of...God's Stamp of Approval.

"Whenever you're in conflict w/someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude." Timothy Bentley.

Dear Father, I pray my attitude will be positively pleasing to you; I want to make a difference in my relationships...please give me strength to be the 'me you want me to be'. In Your Son's Name, Amen.